‘ADHD for Smart-Ass Women’ and Some Changes in my Role at Work. Chapters 1-2

How to fall in love with the neurodivergent brain

Source: ‘ADHD for Smart Ass Women’ by Tracy Otsuka, certified ADHD Coach.

So I’m going to change my role at my job. I’ve finally decided I’m ready to be in a position of leadership again; after a break since 2018.

To be fair, I’ve still dabbled in leadership in my current role, by obtaining my LPC-S and keeping up with the every other year refresher courses, and participating in our bi-weekly consultation calls where I provide sporadic one hour trainings to other therapists in our practice. I also provide feedback in case consultation and lead the group when our leader Megan is on vacation.

But we have a new CEO, who happens to be an owner of a company in Indiana and has lived in Indiana for the last few years. We have connected well so far, and he is FULL of ideas.

While participating in the 6 hour refresher course; I had a thought.

What if I presented an idea to provide trainings for pay at my group practice?

I quickly sent off my idea to Alex’s email, and he responded to kindly send him some times I am available.

We met the next day. We had a lovely conversation where I agreed to supervise one staff at Blank Slate Therapy (where I work). Our website is blankslatetherapy.com.

He has some ideas up his sleeve to add to the practice, and I agreed to help with implementation and to potentially provide clinical supervision to the staff that provide that service,

AND…I can provide trainings at our Lewisville office (and potentially other locations if the trainings grow) on topics I research.

So…I’m researching ADHD in Women, a topic near and dear to my heart since I was diagnosed at the ripe old age of 49 and specialize in treating ADHD in others.

I’m reading a book that got highly recommended at a training I attended this past April at the ACA (American Counselor Association) Conference.

So far, it’s living up to its potential and I’m excited to turn it into a training.

I opened this iPad to take notes on the reading I’ve done so far.

When, instead of opening ‘Word’, my computer wanted to open ‘Wordpress’; the hosting site for my blog.

It’s been a bit since I’ve written, and I have had a goal of writing an article for a while, so as fate would have it, here you go.

One main point of learning about ADHD in Women is knowing that the criteria cause diagnosticians to still be more likely to diagnose a boy/man than a girl/woman.

Girls and women are socialized differently (still) and there are differences in our makeup. Because of that, some of the criteria such as fidgets in their seat, moves around a lot, and has trouble participating in quiet activities may be harder to see in girls or women.

The criteria also list that the symptoms have to be present before the age of 12.

As someone who was officially diagnosed post menopause, I do know that my symptoms existed before the age of 12. However, they didn’t really become a ‘problem’ until middle school/high school when I started to be responsible for paper.

As a digression, I think that paper problems should be listed, specifically, as organization is so difficult with ADHD.

Truth be told, I have 4 emails that I use 3 of, and thanks to google’s organization for me I am now able to find personal emails again in my main email account. I also keep an email account for this blog site which is tparke@terriswritingscom.

In order to really understand this article, I recommend looking up the criteria in the ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V’ (DSM V) which can be found online. It lists clearly the criteria for the 3 types of ADHD, which I’ll list a portion of here.

There’s primarily hyperactive ADHD, which includes racing thoughts, fidgeting, interrupting others, having trouble sitting still, and trouble regulating emotions.

There’s primarily inattentive type, which includes making careless mistakes/lacks attention to detail, has difficulty sustaining attention, does not seem to listen when spoken to directly, and is easily distracted (unrelated thoughts).

Then there’s the combined type (which I have), where someone has symptoms of both. Some of the criteria listed for this one are fidgets with or taps hands or feet; squirms in seat; leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected; experiences feeling of restlessness; talks excessively; and has difficulty waiting their turn.

This is not a comprehensive list of symptoms, but gives you a general idea of what can be included.

Once someone has their symptoms identified, then they need to display at least five of the nine symptoms for at least six months; some symptoms must have been present before age 12; and the intensity of the symptom must cause suffering or impair their ability to function in school, work, social or romantic relationships, and/or manage finances.

Shew.

The research has historically primarily been conducted on children, primarily males. Some of the more feminine ways of expressing some of the criteria are talking a lot, constantly touching our hair, and biting our cuticles.

These characteristics may be easier to miss as the person experiencing them and the person diagnosing them. A girl is socialized more often than not to learn to sit still as compared to how a boy has historically been socialized.

Chapter 2: The Mom Effect

So one of the more interesting phenomenons that the author talks about is the mom effect. I’ll tell you a little bit about how that worked in my family, with permission from my son.

So, I have twins (fraternal) who were born at 37.5 weeks weighing an average of 7 lbs. That’s just a fun fact, but also lets you know they were not technically premature and they were not underweight at all.

My son J came out moving. He was fidgety, had trouble regulating sleep, and showed his independent personality right from the start.

Once he was starting school, I prepared my husband for the impending ADHD diagnosis. My husband is not in mental health and was hesitant to think of our son as a child with a ‘disorder’ (brain difference).

J succeeded in Kindergarten with a little help from a mom friend who encouraged me to ask for the teacher who was more amenable to someone who moved around a lot. Mrs. B was a kindly, older teacher not too far from retirement.

She did not mind J’s tendency to stand when learning, frequent questions, and curious mind.

In fact, at the first conference in around October, she talked about how well J was doing in school. I remember being nervous about the conference, prepared once again to hear that J was probably ADHD, as I had identified that in myself in 1995 when I read a list of symptoms, and knew there was a genetic component.

Fast forward several years, and J was in Law School. Between COVID, which had started just prior to when J was just beginning Law School, and the work requirements, J recognized that they needed help.

J participated in a thorough evaluation which included an ADHD diagnosis and a medication was prescribed.

In our case, the mom effect worked in opposite order.

I am impulsive, and hypermobile, and prone to injury. During the years 2016, 2017,and 2020 I received injuries due to impulsivity that affected my ability to work.

I participated in a ropes course (at work), and slipped and got a crushing injury in my left bicep. Since I am left handed, that significantly affected my ability to write or type for several months.

This injury also exacerbated my ADHD symptoms, which also made work harder for me to complete.

At the time, I was in a Director position at a large non-profit in Indiana. I struggled with emailing, writing during supervision, and many other aspects of my job, but did not take time off of work due to my stubborn nature and my workload.

In 2017, I slipped on ice in a Starbucks parking while rushing to get out of the cold. I sprained my ankle and my wrist of my right hand. Spraining my wrist impacted my work less with writing but still with typing quite a bit.

A co-worker commented ‘didn’t you hurt your arm last year?’. I responded to them that indeed I did, but this time at least it was my non-dominant hand. This injury also had the perk of not being at work so I did not have to deal with worker’s comp.

In 2020 I was on a bike ride with my best friend from 4th grade who lived .7 miles from me in Texas. We rode bikes as children, and she is an athlete who rides a lot.

She was showing me a path (I still don’t know where that path is exactly). I was on the street and realized I should have gotten onto a path instead. I tried to double back, and in so doing tipped over from my bike landing on my ankle. I had a high ankle sprain which was immediately diagnosed, and a broken foot which was diagnosed 2 months later.

Needless to say, I did not get quality medical care. It was April 10th (Good Friday) of 2020, and COVID was just beginning. I was more concerned about wearing a mask then communicating clearly my symptoms, and I did not receive quality x-rays.

Through this injury, I missed work. I had a very small caseload that was just beginning, and my mental health was not good. I was in a great amount of pain from my foot, and was emotionally dysregulated from COVID.

I saw a psychiatrist, who did a brain scan and diagnosed me with ADHD.

My response was that I had always (since 1995 when I first read the criteria) known I was ADHD but had never considered medicating myself for it.

See, someone who was trying to be helpful to me in 1995 when I read the symptoms in ‘Driven to Distraction’, a book about ADHD, told me that I did not have it because I was able to compensate and succeed in school.

Something that happens to a lot of girls and women. Their symptoms are dismissed due to having school or work success, despite clearly meeting the criteria if you look at it through a different lens.

I believed them, and never looked back until that day in May, 2020.

That diagnosis has been life changing for me.

The mom effect is that many mom’s recognize symptoms in themselves after having a child diagnosed with ADHD.

I get many parents in my office who say ‘I probably have ADHD too’. I encourage those parents to get evaluated thoroughly, as there are many places who do that in Texas where I live.

My sister just recently (again) recommended the Vanderbilt scale, a free scale that can be found on the internet. It is a checklist for self, parents, teachers, or family members to fill out to indicate ADHD symptoms across different mediums.

I anticipate writing more about ADHD and Women in future ‘Chapters’ as I continue to prepare for my in-person/virtual training that I do in North Texas, in Lewisville.

Stay tuned for more…

My dog Mosby listening to me sing

Winter Storm 2026-Does this Remind You of COVID Too?

So I’m not a fan of being trapped in my house.

I spend a lot of time in it, but also really like having the ability to leave to go to work, work out at Pilates, meet a friend for coffee, or run an errand.

This winter storm reminds me a little bit of COVID, as well as the ice storm we had in North Texas in 2021.

I remember, having just moved to Texas in 2019, just getting to the point where I knew where things were. I was able to work, and had just, in January of 2020, started at the group practice where I continue to work to this day. I had a very small client load, having just started, and ended up being off work for a few weeks due to an ankle/foot injury that affected my ability to walk.

It was at that time that I was diagnosed with ADHD, which probably had in part led to the injuries I had been getting yearly for the previous several years at that time. In addition, I have a diagnosis of Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome (EDS), which makes my joints flexible and more likely to be injured. The criteria for having hypermobility EDS increased in 2017, and I received my diagnosis in 2018.

One of the things that goes along with EDS is that at about the age of 50 the pain increases. Looking back on that time in my life I understand more fully how my mental health was. I was in pain, with chronic back pain and an injury where my foot was broken, which went undiagnosed for 2 months following my injury.

Not being able to heal as well as being trapped at home with a lack of mobility, wasn’t good for my mental health.

This is a long winded way to say that the past weekend into this week feels a little like those times. I feel trapped at home, although I am not injured so my lack of mobility is ice related and not injury related, which is a real positive.

I worked from home Friday because I wasn’t sure when the rain we were getting that day would turn to ice. I spent the weekend doing things I like, which include working out, reading, playing cards with my husband, talking with family and friends, and watching TV/movies with my husband.

But still, the memories of the days when we were home in 2020 for COVID, and the ice storm of 2021, are there. In 2021, we did not go to the grocery and I was just returning from a trip to Florida, so lack of food was a stressor. We were new to understanding that when there is ice in Dallas, things just close.

Until it melts.

We had rolling power, and spent a lot of time playing cards, reading, and watching TV/movies when we could. Twice we drove to Chick Fila to get some food, and the second time I believe it was open.

So how do we cope with all of this?

One of the things I need to do when I am feeling trapped is to move. I sometimes move my body by working out. I write, like I’m doing right now.

I play piano, and sometime I just like to sing along to playlists I have. I tend to draw at times, and have sort of worked on learning to knit, although that isn’t going very well for me 🙂

It is hard, as we are in situations where we have no control, not to feel frustrated.

I have a friend who really likes to do crafts, who was pretty content when we talked yesterday. She’s someone I like to work out with and go to coffee with, which we both talked about wishing we could do on Sunday morning.

When I am meeting with someone in therapy, we frequently talk about coping skills and what can help when we are feeling stressed or anxious. For me, being trapped at home is a trigger.

As an epilogue to this post, today is a sunny day above freezing where I have been able to get out twice to work out and run errands. Tomorrow I get to go to the office to work again, and am looking forward to that.

What are your triggers that cause some anxiety?

What coping skills do you use when you are unable to get your social needs met through the usual means?

What is a hobby or interest you have that you’ve been meaning to do and haven’t started yet?

What would you like to purge or re-organize in your house that you haven’t taken the time to do?

I hope you have stayed safe and warm during this winter storm that covered most of the country.

Podcast: Covid: 5ish Years Later

Here’s a podcast of the article I previously published. It’s a follow up to my previous podcast in 2022, so bear with me as I continue to learn what I’m doing!

https://open.spotify.com/show/2V7cM5vOOkP2rbdyy0J5LZ

Hope y’all are staying safe! We had some really strong winds last night that blew over our fence, but now all is peaceful and sunny.

COVID: 5 (Almost-ish) Years Later: What Effects I’m Seeing Through My Practice

So..if you’ve ever read my blog you probably know I’m a mental health therapist. I work in a group practice known as Blank Slate Therapy in McKinney, Texas; and I’ve been there for 5 years as of this past end of January.

Long sentence, right? I began my own private practice here in Texas in the summer of 2019 just after we moved here from Indiana. As a Licensed Therapist in Indiana, I had done some private practice work at a group practice, some individual/family therapy at a Non-Profit I worked for; and in January 2020 I was ready to go with getting new clients, getting busy with referrals, and taking insurance again.

When I owned my own practice I didn’t accept insurance, which made referrals a little harder to get with the amount of advertising I did (which was through Psychology Today). I had started with a very small number of people I worked with which allowed me to get comfortable in my new living environment (I had moved from Indiana in June of 2019); and begin to learn to budget my business and try to pay my rent, which was fairly expensive considering the number of clients I had at that time.

Fast forward to March of 2020 and all of our lives changed. I wrote about it, beginning in March; about how COVID was changing our lives and some of my fears and observations about the effect it was going to have on our lives.

Don’t get me wrong; there were some positive effects that I have seen. Kids who had been going to practice non-stop and parents who worked full time with long commutes were able to spend time together.

People were able to increase their productivity and learn how to work from home. Kids who learn well from virtual school were able to discover that; and some people felt more peace and less chaos in their lives.

The cost of the pandemic has included a great deal of loneliness on many people’s part from my observations. Kids had to learn to work from a computer environment, whether that was better for their learning style or not.

Parents with children were tasked with figuring out how to work their own jobs/roles in the household while supervising their children just enough to be helpful and not too much to be doing it for them.

This has all had an effect on all of us.

I say sometimes to clients who meet with me in my practice that ‘we all lived through the pandemic, right?’ It is an obvious comment, but also acknowledges that the isolation and changes in environment have had long lasting effects on children, adults, and everyone in between (I particularly like to work with adolescents, who don’t always like to be called ‘children’, but I digress…)

We can’t disregard the trauma, or life changing experiences that COVID has had on us as a society. Or at least; I would discourage you from discounting that effect that the pandemic has had on us as a society.

I referred to it as ‘The Pause’ in one of my earlier blog posts about the pandemic. I got that word from a friend who has become my boss in some consulting work I’m doing regularly for her practice. I’ve been writing a longitudinal observational narrative about what I see through my eyes, experiences, and practice since the beginning.

This is my update to the last blog I wrote a few years ago.

A long winded intro, I realize, but this probably won’t be the last post I write about for the pandemic. One of my personal goals is to write a book, so I’m writing in small chunks and putting it out there for the public to read what I see and observe. May seem obvious, but I like to write what I’m trying to say (I’m that rare therapist who enjoys writing notes; as a more common trait, I also takes notes as I listen through sessions I conduct with clients)

I’m seeing at work kids who went through the pandemic as pre-schoolers who are now 8 or so. Eight is about the youngest I go (although I used to go down to six so there are some exceptions).

I see kids who had to learn to do school and behave while their parents worked from home. I see kids who lived in environments where that was very stressful for the parents, and there was a lot of spoken or unspoken conflict in the parental relationship. This stress and tension in the family has had an effect on all members in the family.

I see parents who learned to help their kids be independent workers, who sometimes have a struggle with what is developmentally appropriate as it relates to supervision of their children.

Kids had to grow up differently during 2020 than they had in terms of supervision if they had one or two parents who worked while they were in school, or if their parent(s) left them alone to study in their room without checking on them all that often and they needed that , or if a grandparent or other caregiver suddenly supervised them. Some people I know utilized daycare as soon as the daycares opened.

We all remember that the daycares closed for a period of time. In my opinion (obviously this whole blog is my opinion and a professor I had back at Indiana University would be frustrated with me for spelling that out to you readers) Every. Single. Person. Who lived through the pandemic was affected by it regardless of age.

An introvert or someone who loves to work from home and is most productive that way may say it is the best thing that happened to them in terms of their work life.

No more commute (at least for the time being) and an ability to focus without others around. Maybe that person has a lot of meetings or zoom calls, or phone calls during their workday and they are able to have that connection with co-workers and who they work with remotely.

This is still an effect. It is a change in their routine or way of doing things.

I have been fortunate almost all of my adult career in that I am able to work both remotely and at an office space (or someone else’s home when I did home based therapy/family preservation).

In 1995, when I accepted a home based therapy/family preservation position with a company without a local office, I had to learn self-discipline as it related to working and not working.

The office structure creates a boundary that can help people, with or without children, create and utilize that boundary between working and not working.

Children need supervision. Teens need an amount of supervision. All kids need to be held accountable by rules and consequences that help motivate them to learn to become ‘better humans’ for lack of a better way to say it.

People need human contact.

We all have different levels of need for what that human contact looks like and how we cope with that now that some of the pandemic rules have lessened and changed in terms of being around each other and communicating. And holding ourselves and the people we live with, whether they are small and short or big and tall, accountable for working to achieve a work-life balance that includes supervision and time off from work.

This blog post is longer than some, so I’m going to wrap up for now with some questions for you.

How do you feel you have had success on setting limits with yourself in terms of work life, focusing on being productive and downtime?

How are you able to get your needs met while maintaining an amount of focus OR providing other forms of supervision for young children who need it?

What tools are you using to move your body and help yourself relax? I encourage moderation in just about everything we do, including exercise, reading, working, time spent cooking, time spent planning our day, time spent doing something that doesn’t involve an electronic. Electronics. Moderation with substance use is something I talk about in session with non-addicted people I meet with.

How do you moderate your substance, or gaming, or other addictive behavior, use while maintaining your wits and feeling good the next day? How do you exercise and still spend time with your children in the evening after you have worked all day?

How do you get time for yourself when your job is managing the household and/or supervising children? How are you getting YOUR needs met, which we all need to do in order for function?

How are you co-parenting with your spouse or your children’s parent who you may or may not be living with and communicating with as effectively as you would like?

These are some of the questions I think about as I work to encourage myself and those I meet with to function as well as we can in spite of the very big experience of what I call trauma that we experienced five years ago.

Some people talk about a pendulum moving back and forth in terms of what is common or acceptable in society as it relates to working norms, division of labor norms, how much children need supervised (I’m including teens there in that one) and how much time we need to move our body and get our own needs met.

This morning, I’m moving my fingers on the keyboard as I write, which is something I enjoy doing.

I’m sitting next to my dog who is still sleeping, and I’m about to have a cup of tea because that’s how I like to start my day. I’ll probably journal in a minute and read a bit.

I live with my husband who will be waking up soon and we will probably talk with each other after he’s had a chance to wake up and drink coffee, as that is how he likes to start his day.

Getting our needs met is important, and doing it without as much of these addictive electronics is something else I promote.

It’s hard for sure; no doubt about it.

Hope your day has peace and you find some productive time, some downtime, and maybe some time to interact with other people in some way or another.

Peace

Peace, Tranquility, and Productiveness

What brings you peace?

When I think about what brings me peace, I think of music, water, reading and spending time with family.

I love to listen to music, to make music, and to perform. I was raised by two musicians (who made their money as music educators). Our house was filled with sounds of the piano, people practicing trumpet or saxophone, singing , and my parents’ tense voices as they prepared for a concert.

When I am feeling peaceful, I play piano. When I am anxious, I play piano. I find playing piano one of the better ways to de-stress and to make music.

I learned to play guitar when I was in graduate school. I knew a few chords from taking guitar lessons in elementary, and recently took a month’s worth of weekly lessons to try to improve my skills. It is easier to sing and play guitar than it is for me to play piano and sing, so that is another way I find peace.

Water brings me peace. I really enjoy reading my kindle by the pool in the summer, and will read just about any chance I get. I love to escape to other places, with other individuals and families, through reading. Kayaking is another thing which brings me peace. Kayaking on the water in the morning is truly peaceful to me.

Finally, I enjoy reading for information. My office is full of books that I am in the process of reading, particularly about ADHD, Autism, Eating Disorders, and Trauma.

I find that reading to learn is a different experience for me. When I am learning, I prefer to read real, actual books as opposed to the electronic books I read for fun. I like to flip through books I am reading to learn from, and skip ahead to parts that interest me.

A book I am currently reading for work is ‘Running on Empty’ by Janice Webb, PhD. It is a book about ‘Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect’, and was recommended to me recently. It is a nice, easy read and helps me understand some of the history of people I meet with.

What do you find peaceful?

What is something that you look forward to doing as you have the time to do it? What do you make time for on a week you might be really busy?

How would your friends or family answer that question for you?

I’m an ambivert, which means I fall just between extroverted and introverted. I love to be around people, but also love downtime and quiet time. Because of this, being with family also helps me find peace.

I just returned from a Thanksgiving trip to Madison, Wisconsin to see my kids and my son’s fiancée. Seeing my kids definitely gives me peace, and is something I look forward to in the weeks leading up to visits with them. While there, we play a board game called ‘Catan’, which is one of my favorite games.

Being peaceful tends to help me with productivity.

For me, being productive at work includes being in session, preparing for sessions, writing notes about sessions, and reading to learn. I also participate in consultations with other therapists on a bi-weekly basis.

At home, being productive includes creativity. I am currently working on some training sessions I will be providing to my friend’s practice. I am working to combine my creativity with planning the sessions by utilizing markers and colors to help me plan.

Of course work around the house, exercise which includes Pilates, and taking time for friends and family is also included with being productive.

Even downtime, which for me looks like reading or watching television, is important to my peacefulness and productivity.

What helps with your productiveness?

In what areas are you working to increase your productivity and your ability to have both busy times and downtimes?

I hope you get some peaceful productive time today.