Growing Up is Hard to Do

a photo of a dog wearing a seatbelt, riding in a car

Ever wonder what makes it so hard to grow up?

A good friend was talking with me this morning about this frustration. I have also noticed that kids who are around 20ish are not nearly in the rush to grow up that I was.

Her specific frustration was about an adult in her life who is not as big of a fan of sharing the tasks related to maintaining their home as she would like.

She had been talking with her dad, who had noticed the same frustration occuring among females he knows who are associated with men in their lives.

As a parent of 2 boys and a wife to a husband, I recognize things I have done througout the years to encourage them both to complete tasks, and to be needy in other areas.

I like things done a specific way.

For instance, when we are all folding laundry together (something we do less often since they live in Bloomington, Indiana and I live in Noblesville, IN), I like things stacked by the drawer they belong in once they are put away.

So, pants go in a pile, socks go together by user, and t-shirts go in a pile by owner.

Seems pretty easy, right??

I can tell you that it has not been an easy training for 2 of my 3 trainees. One of my sons has a brain that organizes similarly to mine, so he automatically does it what we call ‘the right way’.

My other son, who is a little craftier in how he completes his tasks, learned to fold v e r y slowly. He would give me a hug when he was younger than 13 or so, which of course I appreciated.

Interestingly, he folded fewer items than the rest of us.

I watch the 20 somethings who work when I attend local restaurants, coffee shops, and clothing establishments.

One of the things I notice is that the teens and twenty somethings are very good at completing specific tasks.

Frequently, if you give them a task, they put their head down, focus internally, and complete it.

Almost as if they had their face in a phone.

They can be very friendly while asking for your order, but being friendly WHILE they enter your order into the cash register seems more difficult.

Another thing I have noticed is that in the community where I live, there are older, pseudo-retired people who are helping the youth learn to take orders from people in eating/coffee establishments.

I get called ma’am, sweetie, honey, etc. more now than when I was younger, more spoiled, and cuter.

A couple of questions to leave you with today:

What helps you complete tasks without being told to do them? What is your intrinsic (internal)  enjoyment at completing things that are necessary, and how do you go about getting those tasks completed?

What do you think is something, one thing, that you can do to help others around you complete the tasks about which you tend to micro-manage?

If the other person is a child, I encourage you to help them come up with a way to complete a small task, which you can then give them some positive reinforcement for completing.

This could be clearing their plate from the table, getting dressed without being asked, avoiding whining when asked to brush their teeth, etc.

It will be something that you want them to complete without your assistance.

If the person you are wishing would complete more tasks is a life partner, spouse, or loved one, I encourage you to talk together, at a time when neither one of you is angry, about a couple of tasks you each wish the other one would do more often.

Have a conversation, where each of you is allowed to speak and be heard, about an idea you have and then listen to the feedback about how your loved one, friend, or roommate feels about that task.

Come up with one for each of you, or one for yourself, and try to make it happen.

Hope you enjoy a youthful moment today. Enjoy your Monday!


Published by terriparke

I have an MA in Community Counseling and a BS in Psychology. I like to provide mental health talk therapy, write, and consult. I'm an Indiana girl at heart, both the state and the University. My 20 something twin sons and older than 50 husband could tell you more-Happy reading!

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